Children's Letters to the Judge
These letters deal with
Fear, Anger, Confusion, Love, Grief an HopeIt is difficult for parents to know what children think. Often children feel helpless and only give the answers they think the grown-ups want. These 110 letters are straight from the hearts and minds of children to the person they think can fix everything.
Often parents must say no to children because of a court order. Other parents use the judge and the court order to erect barriers between the children and the other parent. We think the children write their letters in an attempt to fix the things that make them or the parents they love sad.
The family court system handles a staggering caseload. Additionally, unlike most other litigation, the decision is never final. Often a family remains in court in one capacity or another for fifteen years. In an attempt to keep some order to the communications from individuals to the court a procedure must be followed. Any communication arriving on a judge’s desk that has not followed the proper procedure, cannot be considered by the judge.
During research for our books on child custody we have acquired a number of communications from children to the judge. Most judges read the letters from children, but often are unable because of the law, to even consider the child’s request.
This little book was put together to remind us to listen to the children we love so much.
Many of the letters we have are too dispiriting to print. But we hope the ones we have offered here will make you laugh and think.
I hope these letters mean as much to you as parents as they did to the judge and to me.
At your service,
Charlotte Hardwick
This book was created in an entirely different manner than any of our other books. I was sitting in a continuing education class for attorneys. During a break the gentleman next to me and we introduced ourselves to each other. I showed him a copy of the Win Your Child Custody War manual. He asked if he could keep it for a day or two. I made arrangements to pick up the manual at his office later in the week.
When I arrived at his office, his clerk informed me that the judge was out but that he had left my manual and a large manila envelope for me. I thanked her and left.
In addition to several very good suggestions and two important case cites.
The envelope included a stack of letters with a hand written note that read,
| Dear Judge,
How are you? I am fine. I hope your weather is fine. My weather is fine. I have some questions I would like to ask you. When animals get a divorce do they go to you or a special animal judge like the animal doctor? When you marry people does God let you be a Pastor for that day? Who grades your papers? And what happens if you make a mistake? When your Mother introduces you to people does she day this my son Your Honor? Your friend, Sherri |
| Dear Judge,
I really need some help. When I spend the weekends with my dad we always have a great time. Sometimes we do big stuff that costs a lot of money and sometimes we just fish, work on a car or hang out together. When dad drops me off at my mom’s, in front of him, she always asks if I had a good time. If I say, yes or we had a great time she gets mad and stays that for a bunch of days. So I have to just say, It was ok. If my dad hears me say that it was just ok he looks hurt. I asked mom why she gets mad. She said it’s because dad only does this stuff with me to make her look bad and try to get custody of me because she can’t afford to compete. Dad says he isn’t trying to change custody because his job will never let him be home with me as much as mom can be. Dad and I both think I am in the best place I can be except for mom’s attitude. I can’t even tell mom when I am looking forward to my time with dad. I love my mom and want to be able to love my dad without feeling guilty. What can I do. Sincerely yours, Richard G. |
| Dear Judge,
Tell the home study estimater that we do not really live in the nice house she came to. We live at the crumy one. My step mother made a deel with the ladie next door and we moved there fore one day. I want you to tell her to come to my real house cause I hate my step mother that is why. Cause my stomich feels upset cause she tells my real mom I am not here when the phone rings. My dad said she is a ok guy but she is not. He does not like her very much eather. She play acts that she likes me but when dad is away she stops acting. Pleasee help me get to live with my mom and new sister. Thank you vere munch, Emile |
| Dear Judge,
Please have the valuator come back out to our house. The day she came was not a day like all the rest. The kitchen caught fire because my brother was trying to make cheese grill sandwiches for us kids to eat so mom could talk to the valuator. Tell Miss Hill the dog never peed on anyone before and we will put him outside this time. Yours truly, Bobby J. |
I thought these letters were out there, somewhere!, October 16, 2001"I am so sorry. I just didn’t know how deeply children felt the problems of their parents. Dear Judge, has changed the way I deal with my ex-wife and my children." Allen Sanford, Park City, UT.
"Sometimes it takes weeks and months to build enough trust with a child to get this kind of honestly felt comment. I had a notion these letters were out there.
I have purchased Dear Judge in bulk and am handing it out to parents the court has assigned to me for family evaluation. This company deserves a 'Thank You' for taking the time to present these letters in Dear Judge,." Kathy Clarkson, Ph.D. Mission Viejo, CA
"Dear Judge, is a remarkable piece of work. It looks like I will have to start ordering it in bulk. My associates and clients are truly moved by its message. The message I have been voicing without much success for twenty years. Even parents who see their children daily could learn a great deal about parenting through this book as well." Jack Farrell, J.D., M.A.
"An innovative approach to encouraging a more child-sensitive divorce litigant. I have seen Dear Judge, go a long way towards straightening out some very damaged parent-child relationships. This small book would be a great addition to any pre-divorce class." Elizabeth Scott Ph.D., M.S., M.A.
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"Dear Charlotte,
Just a note to let you know that my husband passed away this summer. I can’t tell you how pleased he was with Dear Judge,. He was satisfied with the form his letters took and your fidelity to their content. His fervent hope was that fewer children will have to write letters because of this book. Thank you again." (Name withheld by request)
"I think what you have done with this information in Dear Judge is wonderful." Melenda Cole, Lufkin TX
"I enjoyed reading letters about the way children feel. It makes you really think about their feelings. Dear Judge hits home". Huda Hill, divorced mother of a daughter and son.
"Dear Judge, is an indispensable view for every adult interested in hearing the concerns of the children of divorce. The vivid picture each letter paints allows an insight rarely offered. When these letters no longer make you laugh and cry it is time to start working with machines." Step-Families are Real Families, Gene Hutcheson, Toronto
"Until I read Dear Judge, I thought I was the only one." Joshua Evans 9 years old.
"An interesting collection for judges, attorneys, mediators, psychologists, parents and all others with an interest in family court." Jeff Jackson Attorney, Little Rock, AR
About
This book was created in an entirely different manner than any of our other books. I was sitting in a continuing education class for attorneys. During a break the gentleman next to me and we introduced ourselves to each other. I showed him a copy of the Win Your Child Custody War manual. He asked if he could keep it for a day or two. I made arrangements to pick up the manual at his office later in the week.
When I arrived at his office, his clerk informed me that the judge was out but that he had left my manual and a large manila envelope for me. I thanked her and left. In addition to several very good suggestions and two important case cites. The envelope included a stack of letters with a hand written note that read,
"Dear Charlotte,I have been on the bench in family court for twenty-two years. I have always worked to protect children and secure a safe happy future for them. Often I have had to work with laws with which I disagreed, attorneys I didn't like and parents I couldn't get to see past their own pain and anger. I have lost more sleep about decisions I had to make than anyone would believe.
I don't know why I saved these letters, the first one arrived the first month I was on the bench. Because they are ex parte communications and from children there was nothing I could really do with them. I hope you will use them to help parents to understand what their children are going through. Children trusted me with their true feelings and I am trusting them to you. I would appreciate it if you would find a way to get these letters to the public."
(Name withheld by request)
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